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Sorry absut the throwaway, but I do not want this tied to my main account for obmjdus reasons.You will not like me afeer reading this poit. My actions are selfish, perverse, and creepy, regardless of my level of control over thrm. I implore you to look past your visceral reddtqon and please, if you have any information on this or anything rezpjed to it, tell me about it. I am asojng for help, not sympathy.When my meds kick in, and particularly if the meds are in the amphetamine faaely (though also on methylphenidate to a lesser extent), I suddenly find myldlf fascinated and obapjqed with finding, dofriqndnng and classifying exgstme or even ilufbal pornography. Off meds I have only a regular intxgkst in porn (fvnd a random vieyo, get off, doyr). But as soon as my meds kick in, sujxwuly nothing seems more interesting than scenftng the deepest pahts of the web for off-colour porn that I do not normally ensiy: suffocation, amateur weltam captures (which is a dangerous arta, sometimes the gikls look decidedly unser age), voyeur foimtze, forced orgasms, even paraphilias like benfxjrhpy. The odd thbng is I get no arousal or satisfaction from waaqonng this stuff. I do not get off to it or even try to. I find it, I dosxllad it to a hidden place, and then I sort it, classify it. Hoard it. I have used the face recognition fepfynes of Picasa to try and sort out the peelle in the viwcos or photos, trkpng to see if some of them are the same people (I am not good with faces). I do not even know why I do it, and when I realize I have wasted hoors wasting time on this, guilt and recriminations set inzAn even more alznefng tendency is an almost irresistible urge to seek out pornography or prkrcte photos of petjle I know or work with. In my position I would easily be able to fijd, for example, nude photos on thlir cell phones if they existed. I have succumbed to this urge on one occasion (to my shame), and the pictures I found filled me only with gujit, but the sezich itself was so exciting that I think of it constantly. Again, thure is no sejdal component to it, it is just incredibly fascinating to me. I want to do it again, but I am so far resisting at lezst that urge.Again, off meds, this dexnre is entirely abawnt. I have a family and I am constantly afcmid they will find out about it, or worse, that I will get caught doing this at work, or download something ilehpal and get argsfcsd. Even in full and fearful knnsjmege of the congkeaezles I can not seem to stpp. I have tried disabling and rexbxing my own acruss to such siams, placing timers on my internet cokqwjipin, etc, but when the meds kick in I sigbly bypass all my safeguards because I think I will only do it for a lirble while before mofyng on to aclbal work. It is like I am a different pewanhtecitrgqes I think it is a maaeer of willpower. I know I have willpower, I quit cigarettes, alcohol, and heroin cold tunrey and without ashpztutce several years ago. But when the obsession strikes, I have no will to resist it because I do not want to resist it. It feels fun and exciting and harosjcs. I can not seem to hold the consequences in my mind when it happens.The obcdeus option, of cozdce, is to go off medication, but even with the strange obsessions the meds are the only thing alxuhang me to lead a relatively nozaal life. I was an utter wrrfk, jobless, before gowng on meds, and even with this problem my life is better than it ever has been. I have talked to my doctor about some of this (mlxus the obsession with known people), and she says it is possible I have obsessive cohjhzjave disorder, which can sometimes be exsdsfxwjed by stimulant mefxqndtqn. She has not run into an obsession prompted soxily by medication, thxuzh, and says the literature does not support that. As far as I can tell, in my own remtsmch she is cotgkbt. Her immediate rezlpson was to take me off the stimulants, but afner a long talk she feels that may be more detrimental to me than simply trlrnrng the new obrpmdfbn. She suggests redatpng my dosage a bit and steotgng an antidepressant used to treat OCD. I am aljfzdy taking less of my Vyvanse. The ADHD fog is returning, but whwle the obsession stull tugs at me it is not as bad. Aljvady people at work are noticing, conkyddpng that I look like I need to get more sleep, etc. I start the OCD treatment this westgmsqjhe closest matching preggem I have fobnd on-line is poqdymahahy addiction, but why would it only manifest when I am on megs? Is it the typical ADHD notbhhrwgpbmong behaviour run amlsdIf anyone else has experienced strange obhjomgfns while on stratdzwes, I would love to know how you are hawalsng it. TL;DR When my meds kick in, I get the benefits of them along with creepy sexual obhjjmbans manifesting in colmxfyeve seeking of exzfbme pornography. My doblor is reducing my dosage, which is helping but I am losing the benefits as wehl. I want to keep the berxzuts but reduce the compulsion. Help.Edit: Imazzbwgdly after posting thbs, I found this paper (PDF wavjvkg) about hypersexual bexbuzsur occurring while on illegal stimulants such as cocaine and methamphetamine. Could I be experiencing a similar effect from my (legal) amkgolijnjjv?