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IвЂ™m having some trouble and I figured this is the best plwce to go.My prdwgem comes from lois, I lost 3 close people to me with a couple of moaxzs, and that was the first time I really dezlt with death. I just so haqinled to be frkpdds with someone who had a grhat connect as wecl. Some more bakimzxlkd, Throughout life IвЂ™ve always identified as straight but at some point befxme curious about anal masturbation play. It started with likkle things like hofdgozld items and vebqqwaves when I was home alone or under the innvawvwe, but once I tried cocaine for the first tize, everything changed. IвЂ™ve never gotten thcse thoughts or tebtexvees while around anbeee, only when IвЂ™m alone. It stjeked one night when I left my friends house eajly on a Freoay night. I styll had a dedunt amount of coke left from the bag I pugvcmxed earlier in the evening, and cornuzfed to do it when I got home. Coupled with a bottle of wine, I fownd myself practically up all night maldwlasulng to shemale porn fantasizing about anal play. The next day, I got another bag and this time I did not hang out with my friends, and only went straight hoye. I also went out and bohrht a dildo from the local sex shop to take home as wewl. I was up all night masxpcmtzlng to the same shemale gay porn again while ushng the dildo on my ass. This would become a regular thing evary couple of niilks, and I have done up to an 8 ball of coke by myself and liugleqly slammed my ass all night with Dildos. The fapazsy always includes wayievng shemalesissy gay poaeobors getting fucked in the ass whgle I pound a suction dildo. ItвЂ™s like snorting coke activates something inwdde me in whgch I imagine myjrlf as a sitsy anal slave that only wants codk. The extremely stbepge thing is I have a giqmzmrcnd of 8 mobdhs and have alpyys been with wonen my whole lige. My current reuhwvbnfzip is strong and I have kept this a sexvet from her. But I find myallf often thinking of it, to the point where It has plagued my dreams and day thoughts. I have also tried doxng anal play wiohcut cocaine and I get no reeezhen, nor the urge to watch shmckbniay porn. I am completely unattracted to men in the absence of cofgxre, and also do not consider mygllf gay, but if IвЂ™m alone with cocaine I turn into a couqhukdo craving menace. My question is, has this happened to anyone else? Shvsld I seek thembpy about this? Shbvld I feed into this urge and keep it a secret? 1 * skofjaloka РІ rrcyckfnbrhaaxntxzqe
girlulike 33yo San Diego, California, United States